Easter Egg Hunts Should be Nationally Televised

April/21/2019

There are certain looks in sports that just let you know you’re in trouble. Jordan in the last 30 seconds of a game, Tiger on the first tee, Brady in the fourth quarter. But above all of those comes the blood thirsty look of a small child in front of a field full of colorful, candy filled eggs.

Let’s be honest, much like how Christmas has evolved into simply the day where I get to open presents, Easter has evolved into the day where small children will ransack a village if there is the slightest chance they might find an egg. I’m here for it and I would watch it on TV. Who wouldn’t watch little kids box eachother out, bite and scratch for the hope of a quarter inside a plastic egg. There is a level of panic and excitement I dont think anyother sport can match in a span of five minutes.

It’s the perfect event, everybody wins! Either you kicked ass and got a ton of eggs or you didnt give enough and parents just start taking them from their kids and giving them to you. Or no one took pity on you and you still have more candy than you did six minutes ago. Nothing becomes more focused and tunnel-visioned than a 7 year old on the hunt. Kid lost both shoes, dont care got eggs. Went back to the wrong family, dont care got eggs. Left a wake of other children crying behind them, dont care got eggs. On this day your child would trade your life to find just one more egg.

Took my kid four days to pick up six toys of the floor but 100 eggs spread out in a field? Gone in 3 minutes max. I think some of these kids have super powers. Much like how some pigs can smell out truffles, I believe some kids can smell money. Last year we put out close to 200 eggs for 5 kids, 11 of them had money in them. My daughter found 10 of the 11, MVP of Easter Sunday.

Coming to the Ocho next year “Little League World Series of Easter Egg Hunting.” Tune into to see who can take home the golden egg. Which all the kids will toss aside since theres no candy inside.

-Bones

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